How To Stop Obsessing Over Everyone Else’s Weddings
Last week I was scrolling through Facebook, and in one of my groups I’m in a woman commented asking for advice. She said she couldn’t stop obsessing over everyone else getting married. Not only was she not invited to these weddings, but she just felt behind in life.
First let’s talk about the elephant in the room – comparison. I think it’s important to point out that as women this feeling of comparison can sometimes creep in, and that’s totally normal. However, being in a constant state of comparison, especially when it’s all negative, is honestly not productive. Comparison is great when you want to put your life in check.
I like to be always moving, always looking to grow in every aspect of life. So for me when I find myself comparing, it’s never about “I want to have this too or be like this person.” It’s more like “Hey, I could actually do that, however that looks like for me.”
What’s important to note is that you can have these moments of comparison, BUT you need to realize that your life will never look like someone else’s. And that’s a good thing.
But let’s get back to what this woman. There’s a lot to unpack here.
First, she’s in her upper twenties. That alone says a lot. If you look at all the people you know in their twenties, you’ll notice that everyone is in a different place in their lives. One person can be on their third kid with a house and two dogs. Another friend can be sleeping around, not looking to commit at all. Someone may have found their dream job and is progressing through their career, while someone else could be working in a coffee shop trying to find their passion. Everyone is in a different place in their twenties, and that can be scary when you look to your left or your right and don’t see anyone in the same lane as you.
So I see two problems here that all stem from the same issue. First, she is seeing people getting married while she isn’t there yet. Second, she wants to be included in these life events of the people around her. Both of these stem from a desire to be loved. She, in one way or another, has an insecurity about these things. So the first thing she should do is look into WHY she feels the need to be included or loved by people, and just because she isn’t married yet or isn’t invited to a wedding doesn’t mean she ISN’T loved.
Not to get all woo-woo on you, but everything you feel or have problems with is your problem and your problem only. People can’t make you feel a certain way. You can’t feel unloved without it being because you THINK you’re unloved. So if you ever find yourself in these thought patterns, recognize that you have a responsibility to look within yourself to resolve them.
For this woman, not only does she have to do this, but she also needs to realize that just because she isn’t married yet, doesn’t mean she won’t be. And just because she isn’t invited to a wedding(s) doesn’t mean she isn’t liked by those people, she just maybe didn’t make the cut, and again, that’s OK.