How To Get What You Need In A Relationship
Needs. We all have them but we don’t all know how to express them. When it comes down to not being able to express your need it means only one thing – you’re ashamed of having them. Believe it or not, being ashamed of your needs is super common for men and women. No one wants to be needy. No one wants to nag their partner about things they need to have. It’s not the sexiest thing in the world, right? Well turns out, open and clear communication actually is super sexy.
So let’s talk about the sexy way of getting what you need out of a relationship. Think about something you feel like you need in a relationship. Let’s say you want your boyfriend to make you feel special, so you say exactly that.
“I need you to make me feel special.”
Awesome. What the fuck does that even mean?
If my boyfriend said that to me, I wouldn’t know where to start until I had more clear instructions.
What does making you feel special mean?
Feeling special can mean different things to different people.
For example, gifts from boyfriend don’t really make me feel all that special. You know what does? Little notes he leaves on my desk for me to find in the morning. Waking up early and surprising me with donuts. A random text message throughout the day saying he’s thinking of me. THAT makes me feel special. I don’t care for the expensive gifts that didn’t require much thought. However, if I don’t explain that, how can I expect him to know that?
Same goes for every couple. If you need something, you need to be specific about it.
Let’s say you want to be touched more. Your partner could feel like he already touches you a lot. You guys have sex a few times every week, how could you need more touching??
However, when you say you want to be touched more, you could be referring to more PDA. Maybe you want to hold hands more, or get more back scratches, or even a few extra kisses. If you don’t communicate it, don’t expect to get it.
It all comes down to telling your partner what it is that you need without being ashamed. It’s human nature to have wants and needs. It’s also normal to have different needs than your partner.
So next time you’re wanting something from your partner use something like this formula:
“Hey babe, I’d love if you’d hold my hand more. It makes me feel more connected to you, and that’s definitely something I’d like to feel more of.”
The Girl with a Heart on Her Middle Finger