Two real reasons you keep attracting the wrong person
Do you often find yourself complaining about always attracting the wrong person. Does, “He seemed like such a good guy at first!” sound familiar? Do you keep wondering why everyone is dating and finding great people while you’re stuck in the same patterns?
I’m a big fan of the law of attraction. Now, I know the law of attraction sounds like this weird, fictional hocus pocus type of thing, and I honestly used to think the same thing. But the law of attraction is much more of a mindset than anything else. It’s about attracting what you believe to be true. This means that if you are constantly focusing on how you only attract emotionally unavailable men, you’ll probably continue attracting emotionally unavailable men.
I can get more into the law of attraction in a different post if you guys want me to, but for right now I’m going to get into the two fundamental reasons that you keep finding yourself attracting the wrong person.
- How you perceive yourself
Perception is reality. We’ve heard that phrase before. How you perceive yourself is how others perceive you. This is what I usually see happen: You start seeing someone. You open up to them, and allow yourself to show vulnerability. Something happens that ends the relationship, and leaves you feeling hurt. Consciously or subconsciously you become terrified of allowing yourself to get hurt again. Your ego is hurt and your confidence is down. This usually leads to two paths: one path leads to a place with a giant wall (not Mexico) that you put up to protect yourself. The second path leads to you meeting the same type of person again and again because you think it’s all you deserve to have.
Regardless of the path you choose, you are selecting how this is going to affect you and future relationships. By allowing previous relationships or hookups determine the next one means you will forever be in this pattern. You’ll teach yourself that this is the new normal, and even if you try to attract someone else, deep down you think this is all you deserve.
I found that when you catch yourself in this pattern you need to hit the reset button. Take a weekend to focus on yourself and reteach your mind the true reality. The true reality is that you deserve to have someone great. You deserve to be respected and adored. But until you think that for yourself, you will keep attracting the person who sees you as you see you.
2. What are you settling for?
Back in the day I prided myself in being the “cool girl” where I wouldn’t get mad about anything. Everything was chill, everything was all good. Except that wasn’t the way any kind of relationship should’ve been. I slowly learned the hard way that having no worries at all, also meant having no real standards. And when something more serious would arise, I wouldn’t feel comfortable alllll of a sudden feeling some type of way about a situation. I noticed that if I wanted to be in something real, I’d need to have real standards and having standards was normal and actually really good.
Having standards shows how much respect you have for yourself. If someone isn’t treating you the way you know you deserve to be treated, you need to express it. You can’t’ expect someone to value you if you aren’t valuing yourself and your standards.
The thing about dating is that everyone focuses on the other person. But the truth is, dating starts with you. If things aren’t going your way in the dating field, maybe it’s time to take a look at how you’re seeing yourself and how you expect others to see you too.
The Girl with a Heart on Her Middle Finger