Care Less About Your Love Language

It’s so easy to think you really truly know yourself. You’ve been you your whole life after all, right?

When I first heard of the five love languages, I didn’t care to take the quiz. I thought about it and figured I had a good read on what was important to me. While that was true, what I didn’t consider was other people. The people I was connected to, both as friends or otherwise, have different priorities than I do.

But since I’ve started this blog, I’ve really tried to think outside of just my perspective. Dating isn’t just about one person after all.

So today I decided to take the five love languages quiz to get a better understanding of what really matters to me, and to also get a better understanding of what matters to others based on the categories.

My top two categories were quality time and physical touch.

“Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.”

“Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.  Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.”

The point is, it’s not just the category you or your partner falls under, it’s what it really means. Acts of service can sound like filling up your partner’s car next time you use it, but it can also mean going out of your way to help him or her knowing they’ve had a long and exhausting day. It’s about paying attention to the needs of your partner.

I was talking to a friend recently and she was telling me how much she wished her partner would listen to the things she needs. We went on and on about it until I asked her, “What does he usually say he needs from you?”

She froze up with her eyes searching for a response.

“I don’t really know, nothing I guess.”

That’s when it hit her that she was so focused on him not meeting her needs, that she didn’t even know what his were.

The crazy part is that I hear this all the time. We get so focused on the problem that is right in front of us, that we’re not seeing the big picture.

This is why communicating issues in a constructive way is so important. This is why paying attention to your partner’s needs is so important.

If we all tried every once in a while to do one nice thing for our partner and to listen to his/her needs whether they’re obviously stated or not, wouldn’t relationships be so much easier?

And if a relationship feels easy and great, isn’t it so much more fucking fun?

So this upcoming week I hope you take the time to think less about you and more about others. You know what you want, it’s time to think about what others may want too.

 

Happy Sunday.

Love,

The Girl with a Heart on Her Middle Finger 

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