My First Kiss Sucked Ass

You didn’t think I’d leave you in the dark when it came to my first encounter with a guy, did you?
What kind of friend would I be?

My first kiss was in Brazil. International, bitches.

He was a friend of a friend. We all went to the movies to watch Hitchcock. Remember that Will Smith movie?

I had see the trailers before and I was so excited for the scene where the blonde French kid calls Will Smith an asshole. I knew it was going to be the best part of the movie.

So we’re watching this movie and no moves were being made.

It gets to the part I was waiting for. The anticipation was killing me. Each second that went by, I felt myself getting more and more excited.

So blonde bitch kid calls Will Smith an asshole.

He does it again.

And Will Smith says, “Call me an asshole one more time.”


The guy I was watching the movie with grabs my face and makes out with me.

Not kiss.

Make out.

First of all, that was a lot to process in one sitting.

But most importantly, I got so mad because I missed the one fucking scene I was waiting for the most.

Anyway, my little romance with this guy lasted like a week and then I was over it.

I remember the day we were leaving. It was so sweet.

We’re packing up the last of our things to go back to the US of A and we get a call from the intercom in our apartment.

It was my first kiss. He sounded out of breath and asked if I could come down and see him for him to say his last goodbye.

We were leaving in 20 minutes, so I quickly went downstairs.

The man was SWEATING bro.

I asked him why he was so out of breath and he told me he ran from his place to mine because he didn’t want me to leave without saying bye. Let me tell you. That was a far ass run. In the heat.

Looking back, I probably should’ve offered him water, but I was mostly stunned that he even did all that in the first place.

He told me how much he liked me and how he was going to miss me.

It was all really sweet.

But my little moment from The Notebook was over, and I hopped on a plane to go home.

Years later, we’re still in contact.

I wanna say we made out again a few years later, but honestly I don’t remember.

So, yeah has my dating life improved, gotten worse or stayed the same?


Lemme know your thoughts because I’m curious.



The Girl with a Heart on Her Middle Finger


Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: