Dude, I can smell your desperation from here

Alright kiddos, it’s been a little while hasn’t it? This is a dating blog after all, so sometimes what we need is a little recovery time.

While on this, what, two-week dating hiatus I thought I’d jump back in with all the best of stories. And WOW, do I have a story for you.

What better way to jump back in than to jump into what I know.

So I match with this guy on Tinder. (Deja vu or nah?)

He had white ex frat boy written all over him.


I mean if we’re gonna jump back in, why not start rock bottom and work our way up, right?

Ok jokes aside, this guy was hot.

I have no idea what he does for a living/if he even does something for a living. All I know is that he traveled the world in like a month, so I was interested.

Even better? His first message was, “Not into small talk on here, wanna grab a drink this week?”

Sign me up.

As I’ve stated in basically every other post on here, there’s something hella attractive about a guy who is confident and just gets to the point. Small talk on Tinder is like the world’s worst form of chit-chat. I’d rather talk about the weather with an 84-year-old woman at 3pm while trying to get to an appointment I’m late to. Frustrating, huh?

So we start making plans to see each other over the weekend.

I asked him if Sunday worked, and he told me that it worked but it was his last day in town. He comes to Gainesville every once in a while, but lived in St. Pete. He said he’d still like to get drinks and get to know me.

Could a more perfect human be placed in front of me?

That was a trick question.

The answer is yes. He fucking sucks, but I’ll get to that in a sec.

I excitedly agreed to still see him. A drink with a guy who doesn’t live here sounds pretty great after not going on dates for a bit.

We keep talking and he “smoothly” slides in, “I could probably stay another day if I can crash at your place…if things go well of course.”


Yeah, no.

So I told him no.

And that’s when he said, “Ok what if I get us a hotel room…if things go well of course.”


Yeah, that’s gonna be another no. But like a harder no.

No pun intended?
Or that’s what she said?

I don’t know the appropriate follow-up for that sentence.

So I was honest.

“Listen, as much as I would love to be the cool girl who says yes to that, it’s really not my type. Feel free to do whatever you want, but I don’t see that happening.”

Pretty straight-forward, right?

Another trick question.

The answer is apparently no. I just don’t know how the answer is no.

This is not a joke:

“I feel like you’ll change your mind and be open to the idea. Let’s go out for a drink and just see what happens.”


Hey, let’s just keep this going but not waste time asking my opinion on anything since you actually don’t care about my opinion at all.

So I had two options here:

a) Tell him bye
b) Make him a blog post as payment for having to even deal with him

And here we are.

I’m not going to pretend Tinder was made for meeting your soulmate. I get this isn’t Christian Mingle. I don’t even blame him for trying. But if I pretty clearly told him that I wasn’t down, he could cancel or just deal with it and stop pressuring me.

I gave him some lame response that was definitely not a yes, but wasn’t also “hey go fuck yourself.”

Not that it would’ve mattered because my opinion doesn’t matter to him as we’ve discovered.

We keep our plans for drinks, and I put 911 on speed dial in preparation.

The day finally arrives and WOW was I not excited.

Our plans were to get drinks at a bar I go to regularly where I knew people and was aware of all emergency exits. Not a joke.

The next few days he was texting me nonstop. He switched up our plans like 17 times until finally the day of, the plans seemed to stick.


At 2pm he sends me this:

“Think you could meet at 3 or 4? I know we didn’t plan for day drinking but no better day than today.”

Broooooooooooooooooo, you’re making even writing this blog post difficult as fuck.

I reverted back to my two options from above.

And this time I went for the more rewarding option.

“Haha, you’re wild. I actually can’t and I have to go to work pretty early so let’s cancel. Enjoy the rest of your stay **thumbs up emoji**.”

His butt-hurt response was “Lol right on”

Here’s what annoyed me, besides the incredibly obvious.



I couldn’t even ignore it.

It was obvious he was scheduling me between girls. That’s not even the problem. The problem was that he was still counting on me maybe hooking up with him regardless of me telling him a solid no. He was just scheduling more solid yeses around a “maybe yes”.

Let’s face it, the guy was HOT, ok. I will give him that one and only compliment. And I’m 100 percent sure there were girls who ignored his shitty personality or just didn’t notice how shitty he actually is. And I’m positive homeboy got laid during his stay in Gainesville. Congratulations. He did it. We’re so proud.

But just talking to him grossed me out. His utter disrespect for women and their decisions made me so happy that I decided against suffering through a single drop of alcohol in his presence.

And as much as I would’ve loved to talk even more shit about him because of how gross he is, it just isn’t worth it.

I’d like to think that I’m pretty lucky that a solid majority of the guys I go on dates with aren’t the worst people in the world. But this guy was a reminder that unfortunately there are guys like him out there – guys who don’t give a fuck about girls at all and only have one objective regardless of what the girl is clearly communicating.

So there we have it. I never thought I’d have a story about a guy I didn’t even meet, but apparently it’s possible to be that bad.




The Girl With a Heart on Her Middle Finger

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: