When I Fell in Love

I’m going to tell you about the story of when I fell in love recently. I really, truly fell in love.

Falling in love is weird. It’s awkward. It makes you feel alllllllll kinds of feelings.

This love story isn’t much of what you’d expect. It came from hurt and sadness. It came from the realization that I wasn’t as deeply in love as I thought I was.

As cliche as this may sound, this love story is about how I fell in love with myself again.

The thing about having a dating blog is that you go through the good, the bad and the painful…and also the really funny (cheese plate, anyone?).

Dating is messy. Dating is sometimes complicated. And sometimes in dating, you forget who your number one priority should always be – yourself.

I recently came to the realization that I wasn’t making myself a priority. All those words I’ve written before, about being nice but not a doormat seemed like false advertisement.

And I had no fucking clue until I found myself sad, unmotivated and alone.

The other night I was sitting on my yoga mat, about to start meditation (something I just recently picked back up), and as soon as I closed my eyes, I just broke down and cried.

I’m not a big crier. I like to save tears for some real shit.

But I just sat there, crying.

And that’s when it happened. Without thinking about it, I just hugged myself. It was weird and also comforting at the same time. It was as if one of my friends was crying. I hugged myself like I’d hug a friend.

And that shit felt so good. I felt safe, even if it was in my own arms.

After a little bit of this, I wiped my tears, finished my meditation and went to bed.

I woke up the next morning still feeling all kinds of feelings, but that’s when it dawned on me that I had been neglecting myself.

When you love someone all you want is their happiness. When they’re upset, you cheer them up. When they’re going through a hard time, you hear them out. When they need you, you’re there for them.

And what I realized is that I was doing all of this for everyone else, neglecting the one person who obviously was needing it the most. Me.

So, through all of this, I noticed that until I can offer to be someone worth dating, I needed to see myself as someone worth dating.

So that’s what I’ve done. I started dating the fuck out of myself. I began waking up early for some alone time in my thoughts. I meditate every morning. I read a book. I’m growing my side businesses in silence. I take long bubble baths on stressful days. I do exercise to feel good, not just to look good. And dude, I fucking love myself.

Not only did I catch some mad feelings for myself, I’ve also noticed how my mind has shifted, too. Instead of just assuming people’s reasoning and actions, I’ve tried to become more empathetic. I react less. I’m more forgiving. And quite honestly, I just stopped taking things as personally as I used to. I just started minding my own fucking business. Because the truth is, the only relationship I want to make time for is my own.

Other people don’t matter right now. If someone isn’t going to help me grow and improve, I don’t have time for it. This doesn’t mean I’m going to cut people out of my life, it just means I won’t sit there and water and feed the people or relationships I won’t benefit from.

This blog was created for, yes laugh at all the shit that happens, but also for every twenty-something who is in a transitional period in their lives to relate to.
Whether you’re looking for a new job, just graduated, starting grad school, looking for that one special person, having sex with as many people as you can find, it really doesn’t matter.

Because the one thing that ties all of this together is that you don’t have a fucking clue what you’re doing in your life. Because, quite frankly, none of us do.

So let’s take it back to a more simplified version of life. As you’ve read before, I love simple. Simple is my favorite way of life.

So, simply love yourself. Date yourself. Hug the fuck outta yourself when it’s 2AM and you’re weirdly crying. Everything else in life will either happen, or it won’t. But I don’t want to spend the precious years I have in my life worrying or distracting me from living my best life. Especially now that I’ve found someone I love more than anyone.
Simply love yourself. Date yourself. Hug the fuck outta yourself when it’s 2AM and you’re weirdly crying. But I don’t want to spend the precious years I have in my life worrying or distracting me from living my best life. Click To Tweet
Love, 

The Girl With a Heart on Her Middle Finger

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