Popped a molly i’m sweatin’

I can’t quite figure out how to start this story. With a title like this, you can imagine it’s not one of those casual stories about how you dated some guy named Chad and it was a pretty good time.

I guess I’ll start from the beginning.

There was a guy who I always liked and he liked me but we never really did anything about it. It was this unspoken thing that just sat there for a while. Like a ficus plant in the corner. You kinda know there’s a plant in the corner, you’re just not going to do anything about it.

I will start by saying that this story is a very romantic story. Like you’ll start looking at your boyfriend and wondering why the fuck he can’t be more like the guy in this one.

I’ll also mention that this guy in reality is a great fucking guy. This story however, is not.

So, a group of us decided to go out, have some fun. This guy gets pretty drunk, no big deal though. Towards the later part in the night, he takes me out of the club and drunkenly tells me he’s in love with me.

That’s right ladies, your boyfriend is trash if this isn’t how you guys started dating.

There’s just something about an intoxicated person declaring their love for you that just sets the tone for the rest of your life.

Years later, another guy got wasted at a bar and told me he loved me. We dated for two months. More on that guy later.

I must have really good taste.

Anyway, I didn’t really know if I was ready to commit to something serious, but I agreed to go on a date with him later that week so that we could really talk about it and see if it was something we wanted to do or if it just sounded like a good idea at the time.

So the day arrived for our first real date. He picked me up and took me to a really nice place. I was so nervous and awkward. It was weird seeing him as more than the friend he’d always been.

I remember he said he needed to go to the bathroom. He left for a bit and came back. As time went on, I noticed he was like a new person. So much more vocal about what he wanted, touchy (not rapey, but touchy) and just really fucking positive about everything.

I remember he asked again for us to take the next step. I was hesitant because we shared common friends. I responded, “We can try this, but if my relationship with our friends shift, I’m not going to do this.”

Wow, I’m great at dating. Really prioritize love well.

He somehow agreed to my highly romantic request.

I remember I needed to get home at a specific hour, and although I reminded him, he insisted we get ice cream instead. I was getting anxious as each minute went by.

As we sat there eating ice cream, which felt like the slowest process ever, he started acting even weirder. I didn’t know what it was but something was just fucking off.

I figured he was just excited or happy or something. I told myself to stop being weird and just enjoy it.

He took me home and I was late by like 20 minutes. Oops.

Time went by and we got pretty serious. We were always really open and honest with each other about everything. We could tell each other anything, which was always my favorite part about us together.

So one day he tells me about the day he took me on our first date.

He said he was nervous so he decided to go to the bathroom.

He got to the bathroom.

And popped some molly.

Popped. Fucking. Molly.


On our first date.

He literally did drugs before asking for commitment.

When I first heard this I was annoyed. Obviously.

Like maybe a small restaurant with a girl you’re trying to date might not be the ideal place to try an upper? I’m no expert, but maaaayyyyybbeeeee not a good idea.


Anyway, the best part is that he literally did molly on our first date, asked me out and I said yes. Lol. So I guess it was a success?

If that doesn’t set the tone for my dating life afterwards, I really don’t know what would.

So kids, maybe try to avoid doing drugs on dates.

Or maybe don’t?

Because technically it worked on me.

How’s that for dating advice?

So go run off to your boyfriends and girlfriends and demand more romance because you don’t know what you’re missing out on until your man pops molly and asks you to be his girlfriend.


The Girl With a Heart on Her Middle Finger

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