Neymar: Not the best player, definitely the best wingman

Well, Brazil is officially out of the World Cup. After drowning my sorrows and obsession in a few glasses of a delicious red blend, I’ve come to terms that I’ll have to wait four more years to obsess all over again.

I love soccer. I love the World Cup. It’s like a national holiday where I can watch talent and hot guys all on one field. If you can’t appreciate that, we literally have nothing in common.

Now, when it comes to obsessions, it’s hard to beat my obsession for Neymar.

However, even though he’s my bae for life, I think we could all agree that this year was not his year. Besides spending 14 minutes on the ground, which is more time than I spend doing sprints on a treadmill, he also just wasn’t a team player. So we can all stop giving me shit for loving him now.

However, one thing I have to thank him for is for being the best wingman I’ve ever had.

Let’s put this into perspective.

Think about the last time you went to a bar with friends. You see a hot girl or guy across the bar and mention it to your friends. Then that one friend who always claims to be an ‘Ammmmaazzzinngggg wing(wo)man’ tells you they’ve got this. They go up to that hottie and somehow it fucking works.


Now lets multiply that success by like 270.

That’s Neymar.

This man has gotten me more dates than anyone else in the world. And I don’t even know him.

I’m talking (soccer) balls (emojis) being thrown at me in my DM’s like candy.

And even with Brazil being out, it’s not stopping.

I’m in more bets for drinks this World Cup than I’ve ever been in ever.

I even had to tell someone no to a bet because it was actually getting out of hand.

First world dating probs, I know.

I must say though, I’m going to miss this beautiful time in my life. It’s so nice having guys talk soccer with me.

A few nights ago I ran into an old fling. He started talking soccer like word vomit. As I looked up at him while he went on and on about stats, he stops, looks at me and admits that he never even liked soccer but even placed bets on Brazil winning it because of me. Unfortunate for him though because he ended up only receiving $20 instead of $1,000.

But in all seriousness, it’s actually really sweet. I can see certain people put in hella effort to have something to talk to me about. I have one guy ask me about the World Cup every single time he sees me. I see him at least three times a week.

It’s always nice seeing someone put in effort to try to understand or get into something that you care about. So whether it’s to get a date out of me or not, I’ve really enjoyed the bets, the messages and the effort lately. Keep it up gents.


And Neymar, I still fucking love you.


The Girl with a Heart on Her Middle Finger

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