Ugh, The Nice Guy

Yes, we know the narrative. Us gals only like the fuck boys while we friend zone the nice guys. Nice guys always finish last. Blah, blah, literally falling asleep over here.

Are you guys wrong? Eh. Maybe 50 percent wrong. What ends up happening is that nice guys just fuck themselves. Nice guys bring their unsuccessful attempts upon themselves at least half of the time.

Hear me out before I get a bunch of sad, nice boys coming at me with pitchforks. (Not really though, because they’re too nice.)

What I see and experience with a lot of these nice guys out there is that they don’t provide us with any challenges. They’re there for you like your BFF Rachel is. Do you want to date Rachel? Not really, you just wanna be friends with Rachel. Are you getting where I’m taking this?

The problem I’ve come across with most nice guys is the same exact problem guys face with girls who are too available. There are no challenges. Now, I will be quick to say that being a challenge can be great WHEN done so with boundaries. There’s being a challenge, and there’s being an asshole.

But when it comes to the nice guys and girls out there, they are too flexible, too supportive, too everything.

We’ve all met that guy or girl who would literally drop anything to hang with you. It’s cool, but it’s not really cool. We’ve all met that person who you could say anything to and they’d probably agree just to agree. It’s cool, but it’s not really cool.

What we want as humans is a person who has their own opinions, who stand up for themselves, who have their own separate lives. We want a person, not a doormat. Click To Tweet
So when it comes to nice guys finishing last, that depends on what kind of nice guy you are. Sure, there are those nice guys who are actually just nice guys, not doormats. And those nice guys choose girls who are dumb enough to fall for the asshole. But here’s the thing with this specific situation. Inevitably, the dumb girl and the asshole won’t last long-term, duh. And the nice guy will end up with a girl who values the nice guy because he’s nice. Remember: Nice, not doormat. So nice guy ends up living happily ever after while dumb girl is on her second divorce, falling for the same type of asshole time after time until she realizes her taste in men is literal trash.

But that’s different from the situation I’m talking about.

So while you’re sitting here reading this post (and loving every second of it omg so good),  and wondering if you’re a doormat or a nice guy, I ask that you pay attention to these few signs:

-Do you drop everything for the person you’re interested EVEN if it means canceling previous plans, postponing work you know you should be doing instead or taking away from time you should be working on yourself?

-Do you put her/his needs before your own?

-Do you feel undervalued?

-Is there a teeny tiny voice in your head that’s telling you something feels wrong?

Then you, my dear sweet friend, are a doormat. And you will most likely lose to numerous other girls and guys out there.

So buckle up, take a good look in the mirror and tell yourself that your days of being walked all over are fucking over.

You’re probably wondering where this topic came from. So I’ll briefly tell you about my night last night. Keep in mind I never talk about recent situations, so you know this is about to be good.

I matched with this guy on Tinder a while ago. We’ve been talking for quite some time now. He was so nice. So sweet. I actually really enjoyed him.

Well last night I was out with friends. A couple glasses of wine later and I find myself sitting at the bar responding to Tinder guy’s messages.

He basically asked if he could see me. I told him I was out with friends but if he really  felt like it was necessary, he could meet me out.

I kind of figured that with a response like that he would postpone meeting me because why would you want to meet me when I’ve been out for hours, with other people and only “invited” you because you literally asked to be invited.

Well the nightmare continues when he shows up. Alone.

Why does this happen to me all the time? Who tf knows.

So my friends end up giving me space so I can talk to my date that I was def not ready for.

And there we were. At the bar. Me fully ahead of him in terms of drinks, trying to find any interest in the things coming out of his mouth.

I’m going to be completely honest here. I’ve only met one other person in my life who was somehow more boring than him. In fact, he was so boring, I had to make a physical effort to not yawn.

Just thinking back to that made me yawn just now.

I tried making comments that showed him that I was not ready for this sit-down date that he forced himself on. I asked him who he was with, why he showed up alone, I denied any offers for him to buy me drinks, I verbally told him that I had too many glasses of wine…I mean I COULD NOT HAVE MADE THINGS ANY WORSE. I tried. I really truly tried to get him to abort. And he wouldn’t. Every single tactic of mine seemed to go right over his head as he accommodated all of my concerns.

It got so pathetic that I started to feel bad. How was he not quitting? How on earth do I get out of this?

So I got up. I literally stood up, thanked him for his company, but ultimately told him that I just wanted to leave. It was so abrupt, I figured he’d get the hint and save face a little by just never speaking to me again.

The next day comes around and I find a message from him. He told me he loved meeting me, had a wonderful time, asked to see me again and even gave me his number.

What. The. Fuck.

He was so nice that even after abruptly ending the date that he invited himself to, he still wanted to see me?

So here’s what happened with that, I immediately lost any interest I had in him. Why? Because he accommodated all night. He was so focused on putting me first that he didn’t even realize how pathetic he was looking.

And I hate making people act that way. It actually makes me sick. No one should ever, ever, ever think it’s ok to put someone else so far above themselves. And that was what he did all night.

Was he a nice guy? Yeah, he was really fucking nice. But that was the problem, he was so nice that I didn’t even get to see his real personality. All I saw was someone so desperate to make things work, that he himself got lost.

So there we have it ladies and gents.

I wouldn’t say this is the worst date I’ve ever been on. I could think of so many more that would qualify for that. But I will say this is the saddest date I’ve ever been on.

So please, if you like yourself even a little bit, I ask is that you take a long hard look in the mirror and really ask yourself if you’re a nice person, or if you’re a doormat. If you’re even hesitating on that answer, reevaluate what the fuck you’re doing and I promise you that as soon as you stop being the doormat that you’re acting like, you will get more dates, you will build your confidence and you will be happier. Guaranteed.

 

Love,

The Girl with a Heart on Her Middle Finger

 

 

 

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