Hope…the lamest four-letter word

Hope is the lamest four-letter word when it comes to dating and relationships.

Just hear me out.

Last week I was blessed to get in a conversation with a well-known dating expert. I promise more on that to come when the time is right.

In this discussion, he asked me about my dating experiences and what I was looking for in future relationships. I used the following phrase, “I hope ____…” to describe what I wanted.

He nearly killed me. Like if someone could ever jump out of an electronic device to kill someone (in a less creepy way than The Ring), that would’ve been him.

However, once he started explaining it all, I understood why he got so frustrated with that four-letter devil word.

As he stated, “Hope and pray are really, really weak words. It says there’s absolutely zero control.

‘I hope it’s nice out today. I hope I make money. I hope I’m healthy.’

You see, your whole life is in your control…You have the opportunity to literally start to control your life.”

And he continued.

“So what does Paula start doing from here? Paula makes a decision. It’s time to step up.”

Was it the easiest pill to swallow? I could think of easier things to swallow (I’m sorry, bad joke?). But the more I dissected this, the more I understood it.

Sure, we can hope and dream that a situation happens or someone has a change of heart, but the truth is we need to make an executive decision if we want to get out of no-man’s land and actually start living life versus hoping to live it one day, maybe, hopefully.

Although I love a good hopeless romantic story, I also see the side where we need to look at a situation at face value.

Sometimes silence is the loudest response.

Sometimes indecisiveness is actually the answer you’ve been begging to get.

It all comes down to you deciding what you want at the end of the day.

And that’s not to say that not having a black and white defined relationship is bad. I myself don’t want a super black and white defined relationship now anyway.

But when I think about all this, I think of all the COUNTLESS girls and guys who constantly complain about their situations and who are craving something real but for some reason fall into these patterns of excuses.

“All girls are the same. Girls aren’t loyal.”
“All guys are the same. They’re never ready for a relationship or commitment.”

I hear it all the time.

Are all these guys and girls wrong? Absolutely not. Can we discredit them for being hurt by some asshole girl or guy? Definitely not. But, if this is a problem with both parties, isn’t it time to cut the shit and figure out if you’re wasting time or not?

Not getting what you want? Catch yourself hoping and praying that a miracle will happen in your favor?

Maybe you’ll be that lucky one in 50 people where a miracle happens, but odds are you’re going to be sitting there hoping and wishing for something that’ll probably never happen until you straight up ask and make a decision that will best suit you and your needs.

Of course this is just one take on a situation. I don’t believe in rushing into anything. I don’t believe in demanding things that should come natural.

However, I do believe in making decisions when you’re tired of sitting, waiting, wishing.

At the end of the day, life is short. Tomorrow is never promised.

Do more of what makes you happy. Communicate your feelings. Put yourself first. Swallow if you want.

 

Love,

The Girl with a Heart on Her Middle Finger

 

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