Reader Submission – How Heartbreak Leads to Love
I’ve never really believed in love at first sight or the whole “when you know, you know” bullshit.
I’ve always thought that love didn’t really exist and that you just find someone that is kinda cool, and you’re like, ‘Ok you’ll do.’
Maybe this has to do with my past experiences. I’ve honestly done it all. I’ve had my heart not only broken, but shattered into a million pieces. I’ve tried forcing myself to love someone. I’ve had secret love affairs that would never amount to anything. I thought this was how it was going to be.
Until one day, something happened.
You ever think to yourself ‘Damn, I think I’m in love.’
I’m not talking about young puppy love or the guy you lost your virginity to kind of love.
I’m talking about you found the man you’re going to marry kind of love.
He’s that guy that makes you feel like the most important thing in the world. He makes you feel emotionally safe, while giving you butterflies throughout your whole body. He’s that guy who is reasonable and easy to talk to. He encourages you and supports you. And most importantly, he looks past your faults because there is so much more to you than that.
That kind of love.
Having a long distance relationship is difficult, but with the right person it seems to work out.
However, you can imagine that with the wrong person, it’s just a recipe for disaster.
There’s a lot of one-way caring, one-sided effort, and almost no loyalty.
It’s surprisingly easy to stop loving someone when you aren’t receiving the kind of love you need from that person.
When this happens, you start testing the waters. Never physically cheating, but you find yourself flirting with other people, getting a taste of what it would be like with someone better.
Ending a long distance relationship is easier than you’d think. On one hand, you want to give them the benefit of the doubt and say long distance is stressful on both of you, but on the other hand if it’s meant to be it shouldn’t be this difficult and stressful in the first place.
Mind you, things had been rough for a while between us. At first I thought it was just because we hadn’t seen each other in a while. But even seeing each other in person didn’t change our level of dissatisfaction.
Soon after I found out he hadn’t been faithful to me and probably wasn’t for quite a while.
So there it was. Easy. Time to move on. At least you don’t have to see him around town, right?
When it comes to grief, there are definitely different time periods for getting over someone who you’ve spent a good part of two years loving and caring for.
There’s the phase where you think you’ve wasted two years of your life on someone who didn’t deserve to be part of it. But you also realize that there’s a reason for specific people coming into your life, and that people serve as life lessons.
His lesson was to teach me how much better I deserve. I told myself that the right person would come into my life when I’m least expecting it, and without even knowing it, I’d quickly fall in love with him.
And then it happened.
This is how I met the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.
When it starts, you two slowly become friends, while subtly trying to push down the obvious feelings you both are feeling for each other.
But no matter how hard you both try, when it’s meant to be, it’ll always find a way.
Feelings rush through you. Feelings you never thought existed. You never imagined you’d have those feelings, let alone have him reciprocate them.
He cares about you in every way you’ve ever needed. He shows how much you mean to him, while understanding who you are and what is important to you.
The thing about these feelings is that they’re strong, so things move fast…like scary fast. But that’s love. Love is crazy. And you’ve never been so in love. Feeling the way you do seems like a fantasy you’ve chased after for years.
Saying the “L” word for the first time is a very vulnerable moment.
You’re finally letting those walls that seemed unbreakable come down. Bringing those walls down means you’re opening your heart to someone who could potentially abuse it.
But you’re not afraid this time. You’re not afraid of the vulnerability.
So here you are. Lying next to the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. You start getting nervous and anxious of maybe saying it too soon. Would you scare him?
And before you can begin, he turns to you and says, “I love you. I’ve loved you for a while.”
The purest form of happiness floods through you. You’re relieved and thankful that he was as ready as you were to say it.
And suddenly, all the pressure is gone. All your feelings are out.
So what comes next?
Your relationship takes off. You’re the happiest you’ve ever been and your life has never felt more complete.
Conversations flow, laughter is constantly shared and self-interests become common interests.
Looking back, everything makes sense.
When it comes to finding your true soulmate, you sometimes have to go through pain, heartbreak and time to heal. But once you find it, hold on to it forever, and you’ll be happy for life.